I knew this would come--the day when I'd have to try to understand the Discoball of Feminism(s).
My favorite course this term is a 4 hour class called Staging the Text. The general format is to spend the first two hours in two large groups (led by students) discussing our reading assignments which usually consist of two readings of theory and two different plays. The second two hours, we break into small groups and attempt to stage a scene or two from given plays using the theory we have studied.
I chose to lead this past week for one reason, or rather, for one play--"Waiting for Godot" by Samuel Beckett. Theatre of the Absurd. I love it! (The other play was Agatha Christie's The Mousetrap.) But I hadn't bothered to review our theory readings first. "Imitation and Gender Insubordination" by Judith Butler. Can I just say, particularly for those who have worked their way through Judith Butler, Whoa! It wasn't/isn't that I actually disagreed with her points, I just struggled and struggled to understand them. Take for example this sentence...
"To claim that there is no performer prior to the performed, that the performance is performative, that the performance constitutes the appearance of a "subject" as its effect is difficult to accept."
I understand why I resisted delving into feminism before; it truly is like trying to understand a second language.
However...
What I found particularly useful in this article was her differentiation between one's "gender" (descibing an acted out, conditioned sexual behavior) and one's "sex" (biological anatomy). Bulter argues there is no natural "gender", only learned/perceived choices to make--but these are artifically limited.
On to "compulsory heterosexuality". At first, I diagreed with this concept. But she argues it well by pointing out, "It is a compulsory performance in the sense that acting out of line with heterosexual norms brings with it ostracism, punishment, and violence, not to mention the transgressive pleasures produced by those very prohibitions."
For me, who is fond of dabbling in psychology, I think I liked best her concept of "psychic excess", or all the freedom/choices we shove down deep into our subconscious when we simply act out/perform a chosen gender role. I think that what Butler is saying is that because of the pressure to behave in prescibed roles for gender identity, heterosexuals will subvert choices that they deem as homosexual, and homosexuals may also subvert choices they deem as heterosexual. "Psychic excess" is the result of this freedom/choices which never go away, but inevitably pops up in various forms--usually negative, trapping the individual spirit. I THINK that is what she's on about. And I must say I agree with it--not just on sexual levels, but on many magor identity levels, ie. family roles, religious roles, etc.
So,...have you been Waiting for Godot? Yes, my group did stage a few scenes with an all female cast (something which the Beckett Estate doesn't allow). Changed Godot from a he to a she and minorly twicked a couple of other things to reset it in an "all female world". Unavoidably we fell into "performing" stereo-types of the female gender--though we tried not to. I was just curious wanted to see what would happen. I wanted to SEE it and FEEL it...and this is my conclusion.
When you take the men out of Godot, you lose its inherent comedic element. That is not to say that it can't be replaced, but I think it would take some clever and innovative thinking. I think the humor in Godot pivots on a certain gender-based interpretation of reality. Hummm.
But I'd like to finish on a quote from Tracy C. Davis in her article on "Questions for a Feminist Methodology in Theatre History":
"Making the invisible visible in female and male experience is the route of insight into all culture--not because it addresses an imbalance, but because it is more all-encompassing."
(Teacher, are we done? Can I leave now?)
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Monday, October 31, 2005
Not Waiting for Earthquakes
(Dedicated to those who've died recently in East Asia.)
Let me invite you into my bed...so to speak.
I suspect many of you who live in earthquake prone areas will understand exactly what I am about to say; what it feels like to wake up a minute or two before an earthquake hits. You can sort of hear it coming. Not with your ears at first, but with your body. Then the sound seems to rise up into your ears and straining into your pillow, you can feel/hear the echos of The Deep roaring. It is a very strange sensation, and one that I'd become accustomed to while living in Japan (and growing up in Southern California). It is something you only really hear while you are in bed, not moving, with the whole world quiet and at seemingly at peace. When you are stripped of your protective mental devises and at your most vulnerable.
It makes living on the edge make sense. Make the only sense, in a way. But it also makes one edgy. You shake it off the minute you get up, but it stays in the body. Especially if you are "hearing" earthquakes four to five times a month.
My dorm bed is firm and comfy...but I've noticed on the mornings I wake up early--too early to rise, that I am waiting and listening hard for something. It was only recently I realized it was for earthquakes. But there is no subtle roaring from the pillow, from the mattress or the floor. It's nice, but it makes my heart ache for those having to deal with aftershocks and all the rest.
Ground that doesn't move under your feet. Can we start with that?
Oh to be a cat with nine lives, and with the flexibility and swiftness to jump from most any height and always land upright.
In the meantime, no more wasting time waiting for pillows to speak to me.
Let me invite you into my bed...so to speak.
I suspect many of you who live in earthquake prone areas will understand exactly what I am about to say; what it feels like to wake up a minute or two before an earthquake hits. You can sort of hear it coming. Not with your ears at first, but with your body. Then the sound seems to rise up into your ears and straining into your pillow, you can feel/hear the echos of The Deep roaring. It is a very strange sensation, and one that I'd become accustomed to while living in Japan (and growing up in Southern California). It is something you only really hear while you are in bed, not moving, with the whole world quiet and at seemingly at peace. When you are stripped of your protective mental devises and at your most vulnerable.
It makes living on the edge make sense. Make the only sense, in a way. But it also makes one edgy. You shake it off the minute you get up, but it stays in the body. Especially if you are "hearing" earthquakes four to five times a month.
My dorm bed is firm and comfy...but I've noticed on the mornings I wake up early--too early to rise, that I am waiting and listening hard for something. It was only recently I realized it was for earthquakes. But there is no subtle roaring from the pillow, from the mattress or the floor. It's nice, but it makes my heart ache for those having to deal with aftershocks and all the rest.
Ground that doesn't move under your feet. Can we start with that?
Oh to be a cat with nine lives, and with the flexibility and swiftness to jump from most any height and always land upright.
In the meantime, no more wasting time waiting for pillows to speak to me.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
tree hugging and London a la Mexico and Riverside
Today in my physical theatre class we were taken out to the grounds of the college, deep into a wooded thickety area where we had to do a kind of one-sided contact improvisation with nature. (For those of you who don't know, Contact Improv is a form of improvisation where you are in direct body contact with your partner(s) and physically responding to the nuances of bodily pressure and movement from...it is very funky. It looks like those bizarre snakey dance numbers, because, well, it is.) So, back to nature...anyway, the next thing I know, I am gently caressing the trunk of a slender tree, letting my fingers slide up the bark and following along an extending branch arching my back as my fingers followed the branch to the one of its lengthening twigs...sounds pretty sexy, eh?1! I felt kind of idiotic, truth be told, especially when we realized that there were two students sitting on a nearby bench watching us and smoking...something. I'm sure they REALLY enjoyed our show!!
Speaking of physical theatre, last Thursday night I went with Jorge, another international student, to Greenwich to see a performance by Josef Nadj. http://www.josefnadj.com/ It was a brilliant! (Really. If you ever have the chance, GO!) It was also a bit of a buzz to be showing someone else a bit of London. (Jorge came from Mexico about 12 days ago to study directing.) I felt just as absorbed at "seeing" London as he seemed to be, and it really did take on a new quality for me. One that I've not really experienced before. Perhaps always before, it was I who was the stranger. But when you can explain the transportation system, walk from one area to another without getting lost, chose a spectacular Indian restaurant...well, I felt almost...native (almost!!).
A new Taiwanese MBA student moved onto our hall day before yesterday. We bumped into each other in our hall's kitchen and chatted a bit. And lo, and behold, if she didn't spend a month studying English at UCR!!! When we came across that information, we looked at each other incredulously for a split second then gave each other a big hug. We had this very strange, but cool sister moment!
Despite my joy at being here to study theatre, drama and many of its applications, by far the best part is getting acquainted with all the people here. There's Georgie, an lovely English girl in my program, who spent a year in Philadelphia working with people with handicaps and learning disabilities. There's Naomi, another amazing local, who teaches drama to high school aged boys and set up a drama program for problem students. Sarah the Scot is using applied drama techniques to work with refugees in local areas. The physical theater student GURU is undoubtedly Tom, also a drama teacher for A levels. Tom, all 6'4"(?) of him, artfully and gracefully did a back-to-back roll over me today in class. (Imagine being on all fours next to another on all fours. Okay, now, the person on the left straighten's out their knees, reaches wide with his left arm and leg and arcs across your back, shoulder blade to shoulder blade, bum to bum, rolling over your back, landing like a cat on the other side. That was Tom. Impressive, huh? Me? I slide halfway off the first time, had to double kick my start, starting to roll somewhere in the middle of his back, and flopped to my finish. Not graceful at all!
Living in halls is SO FUN!! Not because we are always having a party, but we do often end up cooking our meals together in the kitchen and chatting with whoever...whoever includes Ajay (PhD in physics) from Grimsby (northern English) who claims the name says it all! He shoved jokes under my door and is my new little brother. Then there is Charlie (MBA), who must be the president of the Taiwanese Social Society! Great cook,too, that Charlie!! Shu Ting aka Natacha is also doing an MA in theatre, but her emphasis is playwrighting. She's beautiful and artsy. Peggy from Taiwan is doing her MBA, too, and seems very down to earth. And then there is the shaved head of Haddi, a very cool nice Lebanese guy doing an MA in Systems Security. Haddi is great, except for the fact that he claims he can't cook Lebanese. I told him that really is a flaw! Then there is Demitris, a Greek doing his PhD in music composition, David from Mexico City studying mathematics(much more exact than physics, he says!), Doug who makes sure the block parties are organized and attended and....just a ton of interesting people.
Life is good.
Speaking of physical theatre, last Thursday night I went with Jorge, another international student, to Greenwich to see a performance by Josef Nadj. http://www.josefnadj.com/ It was a brilliant! (Really. If you ever have the chance, GO!) It was also a bit of a buzz to be showing someone else a bit of London. (Jorge came from Mexico about 12 days ago to study directing.) I felt just as absorbed at "seeing" London as he seemed to be, and it really did take on a new quality for me. One that I've not really experienced before. Perhaps always before, it was I who was the stranger. But when you can explain the transportation system, walk from one area to another without getting lost, chose a spectacular Indian restaurant...well, I felt almost...native (almost!!).
A new Taiwanese MBA student moved onto our hall day before yesterday. We bumped into each other in our hall's kitchen and chatted a bit. And lo, and behold, if she didn't spend a month studying English at UCR!!! When we came across that information, we looked at each other incredulously for a split second then gave each other a big hug. We had this very strange, but cool sister moment!
Despite my joy at being here to study theatre, drama and many of its applications, by far the best part is getting acquainted with all the people here. There's Georgie, an lovely English girl in my program, who spent a year in Philadelphia working with people with handicaps and learning disabilities. There's Naomi, another amazing local, who teaches drama to high school aged boys and set up a drama program for problem students. Sarah the Scot is using applied drama techniques to work with refugees in local areas. The physical theater student GURU is undoubtedly Tom, also a drama teacher for A levels. Tom, all 6'4"(?) of him, artfully and gracefully did a back-to-back roll over me today in class. (Imagine being on all fours next to another on all fours. Okay, now, the person on the left straighten's out their knees, reaches wide with his left arm and leg and arcs across your back, shoulder blade to shoulder blade, bum to bum, rolling over your back, landing like a cat on the other side. That was Tom. Impressive, huh? Me? I slide halfway off the first time, had to double kick my start, starting to roll somewhere in the middle of his back, and flopped to my finish. Not graceful at all!
Living in halls is SO FUN!! Not because we are always having a party, but we do often end up cooking our meals together in the kitchen and chatting with whoever...whoever includes Ajay (PhD in physics) from Grimsby (northern English) who claims the name says it all! He shoved jokes under my door and is my new little brother. Then there is Charlie (MBA), who must be the president of the Taiwanese Social Society! Great cook,too, that Charlie!! Shu Ting aka Natacha is also doing an MA in theatre, but her emphasis is playwrighting. She's beautiful and artsy. Peggy from Taiwan is doing her MBA, too, and seems very down to earth. And then there is the shaved head of Haddi, a very cool nice Lebanese guy doing an MA in Systems Security. Haddi is great, except for the fact that he claims he can't cook Lebanese. I told him that really is a flaw! Then there is Demitris, a Greek doing his PhD in music composition, David from Mexico City studying mathematics(much more exact than physics, he says!), Doug who makes sure the block parties are organized and attended and....just a ton of interesting people.
Life is good.
Friday, September 30, 2005
haven't changed changes will be changing
i moved into residence at university this past week. back in england again. the air feels soft, as i remember it did. the old buildings http://www.rhul.ac.uk/For-Students/Campus/aerial2small.jpg smell...english, somehow. bookstores, too, have a specific smell--musky, yet somehow distinctively...english. the sunlight, too, seems oddly familiar and welcoming, even at dusk. those whispers of eternity haven't changed.
but i have. i don't necessarily feel older, or wiser, or slower or dumber. though i'm sure i am.
i feel like i am moving up, over, under and around spheres and spaces of time and experiences. like swimming underwater with shimmering sun circles cascading around deep into the depths like shadowy doorways dancing around me. so many paths towards possibilities, so many, so....
and then there are the moments when i feel i am drowning.
last monday all the 1st year students arrived to register. very young. those ones. i'm used to college freshman. i've been teaching them for the past 12 years. it was just that i had a position. of authority. now? i'm not one of the experts. i'm a sideline, like everyone else. hard on the ego. hard too, to let go and put faith in the world of academia--after all you see it hasn't done, as an adult. i started drowning then.
but i started to kick a little to propel myself upwards and looking through one of those shimmering doorways, saw some others waving at me to come on through. so in i went! (turned out to be a lot of fun!)
but i can't lose myself like i once did. reminiscence and heart strings tug.
i miss the US west coast...the DRAMATIC coastline along highway 1 and the 101. the GIANT redwood trees, FRIENDLY people offering unsolicited help. my family, my friends, the COMFORT of familiarity and competence.
i miss japan...the stimulation of having DIVERSE concurrent REALITIES in Togane, Tokyo and Hiroshima weaving FASCINATING personalities in and out of my life on an almost daily basis. i miss daikon salad and goma dressing; peddling around the rice fields on my bike, the darkness of side streets and the smell of yakiniku. i miss the GENTLE QUIETNESS that seemed numbing at times. but now, it feels like a part of me is missing.
(and, well, yes, ok, i miss the paycheck, too!)
***
i forgot myself for awhile last week, i felt JOY! it felt GOOD.
i saw a GREAT performance of pericles at the globe in london which used aerialists to show the movement and magnitude of stormy waves...it was AMAZING. this weekend the theatre MA students had a physical theatre workshop. somehow, i don't think the waves i tried to generate from my lower spine through my thorax, neck and to my fingertips were quite as amazing...but give me time!
OOPS! excuse me...classes start tomorrow. i must go and do about 10 pounds of reading and work on being a respectable intellectual! (ha!) wish me luck....
(btw, don't try to work out the logic of the title; there is none.)
Thursday, September 08, 2005
catastrophes, fairy lights and minimum wage for goats
Life and nature are as precarious and precious as they are dangerous.
The last time I had enough time and sanity to write about updates and perspectives was December 2004--at that time, the world was in shock over horrific death toll and destruction from the tsumani in Southeast Asia. Now, once again, I am in Sussex with enough time and trying to reclaim a bit of my sanity--albeit hard after sitting glued to the TV for the past week trying to grasp the reality of Hurricane Katrina's aftermath; its human, economic, political and environmental impact. Precious and precarious.
LOVE, people, LOVE while there is still TIME!!
******
I am staying in 7-year-old Claire's bedroom while I am here at the Mitchells. Before she went to bed last night, Claire turned on her nightlights for me...a string of heart-encased fairy lights strung along her iron bedstead and a luminous world globe on a nearby table. Wonderously magical, it was just what the doctor ordered for a world-weary adult. I left the lights on and I'm sure I fell asleep smiling!
******
Rumor has it there is a woman who gets paid to herd goats (apparently she has about 500) along the freeways in Oregon so they can "mow" the grass. She gets $2 per goat per hour...very environmentally savvy, those Oregonians.
The last time I had enough time and sanity to write about updates and perspectives was December 2004--at that time, the world was in shock over horrific death toll and destruction from the tsumani in Southeast Asia. Now, once again, I am in Sussex with enough time and trying to reclaim a bit of my sanity--albeit hard after sitting glued to the TV for the past week trying to grasp the reality of Hurricane Katrina's aftermath; its human, economic, political and environmental impact. Precious and precarious.
LOVE, people, LOVE while there is still TIME!!
******
I am staying in 7-year-old Claire's bedroom while I am here at the Mitchells. Before she went to bed last night, Claire turned on her nightlights for me...a string of heart-encased fairy lights strung along her iron bedstead and a luminous world globe on a nearby table. Wonderously magical, it was just what the doctor ordered for a world-weary adult. I left the lights on and I'm sure I fell asleep smiling!
******
Rumor has it there is a woman who gets paid to herd goats (apparently she has about 500) along the freeways in Oregon so they can "mow" the grass. She gets $2 per goat per hour...very environmentally savvy, those Oregonians.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
"silt"
moving through the water
emotions gather in swirling fragments
ground from daily pressures
sliding along
the floor of my heart
curling at its banks
slowly building up, closing off,
narrowing the river’s path, damning my mouth,
half settling, uneasily, waiting....
then, large waves from a surface storm
with undulating currents reach below
sweeping deep down
shifting and removing
months, even years
of restricting debris
from the corners of my heart
a cough, a half choke
I open my mouth
April 3, 2005
emotions gather in swirling fragments
ground from daily pressures
sliding along
the floor of my heart
curling at its banks
slowly building up, closing off,
narrowing the river’s path, damning my mouth,
half settling, uneasily, waiting....
then, large waves from a surface storm
with undulating currents reach below
sweeping deep down
shifting and removing
months, even years
of restricting debris
from the corners of my heart
a cough, a half choke
I open my mouth
April 3, 2005
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